i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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