I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
