I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
