We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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