but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
