tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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