Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
