Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am naked and annoyed.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
