Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dicks are not precious.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
