I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
