you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
