I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
