but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
