I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
