Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
