the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
