GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
