First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
