can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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