tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
