I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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