Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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