update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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