I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
