If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
