Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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