I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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