Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she smelled like a LAN party
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
