Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
