Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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