I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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