Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
