guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
