doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I looked at my own cervix.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
