I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
