I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
