she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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