New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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