I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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