I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
