Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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