i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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