im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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