Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
