What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
