so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
