There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
