Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
