I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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