Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
