her vagina looked like bernie madoff
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
