My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
